that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
