wake up i wanna do it froggy style
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
