you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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