I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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