I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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