i think my mom watched the whole time
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
