Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
