I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
