Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
