I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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