Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
