I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
