there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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