i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
