sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
