He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who died my cat blue again?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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