Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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