Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
