I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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