so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
