i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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