I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
