you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
