i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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