Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
