On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
