Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
