Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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