I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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