Dual....:-)
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
