I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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