can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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