dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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