Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
