Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
