I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
