She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
