dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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