Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
