i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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