For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
