We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
