where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
