my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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