He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
