I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
