yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
