Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
