Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
