this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
