yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
